When Your Child is a Victim

When the parents of a high school freshman were called to the hospital because their son had been injured in an age-old "senior prank", they faced this decision. Their son had been thrown into a lake near the school by some senior boys. Knowing that freshmen for years had endured this humiliation, their son had vowed not to be tossed into the lake, and put up a fight. In the scuffle, his nose was broken.

One immediate response may be for the parents to confront the school and/or the attacker's parents. If the incident happened off campus, however, or there were no witnesses other than the parties involved, you may not get very far with the school. This is in spite of the fact that the attackers more than likely have a record with the school as thick as the yellow pages. The parents may not be any more helpful. They may instinctively defend their child (even though their child may have a police record already), or may have a blasé attitude toward parenting (along the "kids will be kids" line). If you are not getting the results you wanted, it might help to let the school and parents know that you are willing to take the time to pursue the matter legally. Sometimes, that's all it takes to scare a parent into actually getting involved. Other times, remember that very good people who are active parents may still have a "bad seed" in the family. It is best not to go into one of these meetings with an attitude that if the child is rotten, that the apple does not fall far from the tree. These parents may be as heartbroken as you.

When parents make the decision to pursue bullying in the legal arena, there are some things they should consider.

If you decide to press charges against an offender, understand that retaliation is not uncommon. Your house could be vandalized, and the pressure on your child could be increased at school. It would not be unheard of to have a gang member show up at your home, point a gun in your face, and threaten to kill you if you don't drop the charges.

Still, if it weren't for those who dared to face these dangers, justice might never be done, and things would never change.

If you decide to take the harassment against your child to the legal level, your first visit will be to the police department to file charges. This may not be as uncomplicated as it sounds. The laws around filing charges, much less arrest, are so complex that the police often feel like they are walking on eggshells when a case is presented.

Therefore, before you call the police, sit your child down and have him tell you exactly what transpired, leaving nothing out. For instance, if your child struck back while being attacked, even in self-defense, the officer recording the details may still have to record "blows were exchanged." This can put a very different spin on your case, if it gets to court. In addition, the police may not be able to arrest the attackers, because of a lack of evidence or witnesses. In some states, they may advise you that you can perform a citizens arrest, but beware, you can get sued for false arrest under many state's laws.

If, in fact, the contact with the police does result in a report and an arrest or citation, then your journey has just begun. Get a copy of the police report and make sure that it is accurate. Talk with the officer about the way things are worded. He or she may not be able to change it, but at least you will fully understand the document that will be presented to the court.

While it may not seem fair, some things are the way they are. That is, the students that attacked your child will be entitled to free representation, while you have to spend the family's vacation money on an attorney just to make sure you have your say. Make sure you ask around about attorneys and their reputations. Talk to friends and family members. If you are not comfortable with the first attorney you meet, take the time to find another one.

So, if you secure a report that will result in an arrest, keep in mind that in most cases the officers will arrest the perpetrators, take them to the station, book them, and then, more than likely, they will be back out on the streets in a matter of hours. Now, they'll have your address and phone number in many cases, and be really mad. Should the perpetrators act out on this anger, keep a log, file police reports, if applicable, and keep calm.

Once a court date is set, it is the big day. You take off of work. Your child misses school. Your adrenaline is pumping. Your case is called before the judge. Then, the defense attorney asks for a delay and is granted one. Not only that, but he is granted one the next time, and the next and the next. It is best to go into a courtroom setting with the idea that the wheels of justice grind more slowly than almost anything else in our country. Calmly leave the courtroom and prepare to do battle the next time or the next.

When you finally do get your day in court, don't be surprised if the whole thing has been cut short because of a plea bargain. Today's prisons are so overcrowded that plea bargains are seen as a way to help alleviate that problem. It's a totally separate agenda from the one of the parent trying to right a wrong.

Either way, when you arrive at the courthouse, you will more than likely meet the perpetrator, and his entire ticked-off family, in the hall. If anyone threatens you, tell your attorney. Otherwise, sit somewhere else if you can.

Once inside, if your child has to take the stand, it could be a traumatic experience for him. The defense attorney is there for one reason - to get his client off. If he can do that by pressuring and confusing your child, he will. That's why it is very important to talk to your child beforehand about what may happen and what he may try. Get together with your attorney, if possible, and enact the way a defense attorney may talk to your child. Do a run-through and see how your child does. Remind him that it is the other attorney's job to confuse him, or make him lose his temper. Explain to your child that if he loses his temper, the judge will see how little self-control he has, and will factor that into his or her decision as to the responsibility of both parties.

After all of this heartbreak and the money and the time, the attacker may never even do a minute of jail time. He may not even be found guilty. But, he may think again before harassing your child, or the case may be a small step toward changing school policy for the better. Of course, in many cases, you can start the whole process over again, this time in civil court, and go for damages. Whatever the case may be, the most important reason many parents decide to pursue legal recourse for the wrongs done to their child is so that their child can see that, when the chips were down, their parents stood up for them and did the right thing.

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