Getting Help - When in Trouble

When they're born, and we hold them for the first time, none of us as parents can ever believe that our child would end up being the scourge of the school or neighborhood. While a good share of troubled kids can trace many of their problems back to lazy, abusive or absent parenting, a fair share of good parents find themselves with children who are clearly headed down the path of destruction.

Once parents have received a wake-up call about their child (whether it be finding drugs, stolen goods, a call from the school, or calls from the police), the first impulse is usually, "We have to get him or her help, but how?"

Part of the key to success is not where you get help, but when. Sooner is always better. What kind of help varies from child to child, and may change mid-stream, depending upon what works.

For example, a father whose child has been caught shoplifting calls the police and has his child formally booked, held in a cell at Juvenile Hall, and exposes that child to some of the kids he or she may be incarcerated with should he or she not straighten out. To some parents, this may be considered rather rough - yet for others, it may be just the dose of reality needed to jolt a wayward teen back on the right track.

In either case, the results are the same: in some cases it will make an impression and in others, the surly child will continue to laugh and snicker. Therefore, while one parent's search for help has ended, another's is still continuing.

Many childhood behavior problems have their root in psychology. Unfortunately, many people still feel sitting in an office, talking to a "shrink" isn't helpful. Many other parents have discovered that this can be a dangerous fallacy. In fact, your child may be angry or acting out on something that he or she may not even know is the problem. A psychologist or psychiatrist can help your child come up with new and effective ways of dealing with anger toward certain situations.

Unfortunately, not everyone is blessed with good health insurance that allows them to have their child visit a mental health professional on a weekly or even monthly basis. If this is the case, you can ask the courts for help, or even try some county programs or free support groups. Even your child's school will provide a guidance counselor during school hours. You may be able to have your child get a regular appointment there. If you have a family attorney, ask him about resources. After all, he has spent years of his life with troubled kids and will have come across places for you to try.

Another way in which children may need help is based upon their chemical makeup. Just as adults suffer from depression, rage, and compulsions such as stealing, so do children. Admitting that your child may need some form of medication is nothing to be ashamed of. If your child has diabetes, you would race to get his insulin prescription and be grateful that you live in a time where such advances are available to save lives. Your attitude toward medicines that help adjust the chemistry in your child's brain should be no different. Many a child who self-medicated with drugs, alcohol, cutting or other types of self-abuse have been discovered to have had depression for years. Unfortunately, they had to begin stealing and breaking laws before this diagnosis was made. Hopefully, parents in the future will be able to spot these problems before a child has a record.

Another form of help may be simply in changing the child's life situation. Changing neighborhoods, schools and the amount of time you invest with your child can help greatly. Also, trying to get the child out of his current group of friends, if they are bad influences, can be speeded along by more involvement in extracurricular sports, church groups, art classes or even volunteering at the local animal shelter. Diversion is a great healer, so is reduced idle time.

As a parent, your instincts are best. If you do get your child into a counselor and feel that your dollars could be better spent with another provider, then it is your choice to change. If you feel that the medication given to your child is doing more harm than good, you can demand that another type be tried.

In many cases, when a child is in trouble, it is not only he that must go into counseling, but the entire family. It is not uncommon for family dynamics to be contributing to the problem - even though everyone else is well-intentioned.

If family counseling is suggested, don't balk at this request, embrace it. You will probably find many new ideas for not only helping your child, but for helping you feel better inside the walls of your own home. Help is out there. You don't have to advertise that you're getting it if you don't want to, but you certainly do not have to be ashamed.

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