Normal School Violence?

Between home-schooling and a full-blown court trial, there are other things that parents can do to help nip school violence in the bud.

Who hasn't come home from school, at least once, with a black eye, torn shirt or scuffed knees as a result of some playground argument?

Sad to say, it seems to be human nature that children become physically violent when placed in large groups. This is not the same, however, as saying that these incidents should just be ignored in favor of "letting kids be kids." Since the childhood years are those of learning lessons, the sooner they learn that violence is not an acceptable way to solve problems, the better.

In addition, the sooner violence and bullying are stopped, the less resentment victims will have a chance to build. Some of the very children that became school shooters have recalled the times they were picked on and ridiculed as the building blocks of their anger.

By the same token, one black eye is not a reason to immediately hire a lawyer and call the police. Many of these problems can be solved the old-fashioned way, by calling the school and arranging a meeting between the principal, you, your child, the bully's parents and the perpetrator.

You may find some roadblocks along the way, as the "let kids be kids, let them work it out themselves" attitude is still very pervasive. And why not? It's easier for the bully's parents and the school's administration to delegate the work of a solution to the kids. Yet, with tragedies such as Columbine, Paducah and others, many schools are realizing that they must make an effort.

This doesn't mean that the bully's parents will feel like cooperating, either. But with the school behind you, they will have to.

Before the meeting, instruct your child to just tell the truth. In addition, instruct yourself and your spouse to behave in a calm, controlled way. You may state that you are upset at the recent assault on your child, but yelling and losing control is precisely the road you are trying to steer your child (and the bully) away from. What is your child to think if he or she sees you behaving much like he or she did? If the other parents lose their composure, then it is easy to point out to your child, later, that you can see why the bully may have thought that blows were acceptable - his or her parents do not seem to have the tools to calmly resolve conflicts themselves.

Once the school has set forth a new standard of behavior, either the problem will be resolved, or your child could be a target of even more bullies. Be diligent. Contact the school again, and arrange another meeting. By now, the parents of the bully will be tired of all the inconvenience of these meetings, and may be just impatient enough to demand that their child leave yours alone. Then again, they may not, in which case, stepped-up measures may be needed. In the majority of cases, parents are reasonable people and want their children to have good school records. The threat of their child being known as a "troublemaker" is usually enough for most to instruct their own child to start changing his or her behavior.

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